Being a Critical Pegagogue Ain't Easy

I am a critical pedagogue and I cannot express how often I have to have discussions of privilege, race, gender, and power. People that benefit from situations of power never want to be told that they have power. I am actually very nervous about a class discussion concerning this. My social identity is constructed in the opposition of the powers that be. It is difficult to be in a state of constant crusade.

Here is how the conversation usually shakes out. There is an over arching statement about power and those that are influenced by it and those that have it never want to act like they have the responsibility to change the status quo. I never realized that I had privileges as a white woman until I moved out on my own to a large city. Long Beach California is a very diverse city, and Long Beach State University has on of the most diverse student populations in the country. When I moved for college it became very clear what areas of Long Beach were "safe," and what areas were not safe. As can be expected, areas by the university and the beach were pristine. However, by the freeways leading out of the city and more into other branched out areas of Los Angeles (Compton) the quality of the public parks and schools deteriorated with the housing conditions, not to mention parking.

My sophomore year I moved to what the kids would call a, "sketchy," neighborhood. The billboards near my house were not in English and walking around at night was not recommended. However, I realized as I lived there for an extended period of time that most of the people that lived there were families. The parents worked multiple jobs and they were just getting by as well my roomates and I were. I remember I would tell people what neighborhood I lived in and many college students that had the privilege of rent being paid for by their parents could not understand how I could live, "there." I actually look back on my time there fondly.

Privilege is something that can be explained relatively easy to people but it often offends people with privilege. To say that some people get a head start implies that the people that have the head start intended for it to be that way, but if children are born from two white parents that have graduated from college those children are also likely to go to college. That is a pretty safe non-offensive suggestion, however to insist that people that are not privileged have to work harder to get to college and to make it through college is when privileged people get offended. No one likes to be told they have had things handed to them, we all assume that we work very hard and no one could understand our trials. We are all a bit self serving in this regard, however people of color or any poor person has to work harder to gain certain privileges.

At one point in my college career I was homeless and I still kept my job, kept competing in speech, and kept going to school. I had to work harder to get my education than other people and I am not afraid to make that claim. I am not saying in way, shape, or form, that other people did not earn or deserve their education but I had to work harder for mine than someone that had everything paid for them, which is why I relish my graduate teaching position even though I do face some internal frustration at the students that waste their college experience and do not go to class.

I think that it is easy to explain oppression and to point out instances in history when oppression was wrong but it is hard to tell someone that they have an oppressive ideology when they are not aware that they have it. It is a delicate situation to say the least. I recognize that I have privilege as a white person and a college graduate however I also am a woman and a lesbian to boot. I started the coming out process when I was nineteen. It was extremely underwhelming. Everyone knew I was a lesbian before I was completely certain however I can tell you that I am treated differently now than I was then. I did not start experience oppression until I started to look like a lesbian. Being visibly against gender norms is not an easy line to walk. Many people I do not know look at me with disgust. People assume I am a lesbian by my appearance and people make comments about me being a man. I have been yelled at by strangers. I have had threatening looks and situations unveil themselves. It is scary not fitting the norm. Quite frankly people do not know what the norm is until they are forced to confront something that is different; like me.

Oppression is wondering if someone that stares might be the end of you. Oppression is moving to the Midwest and realizing that there is a difference between California and Minnesota and it isn't just the snow. Oppression is being threatened by strangers. Oppression is canceling marriage plans. Oppression is being arrested, almost, by police for being angry about my marriage being stolen, and oppression is not being able to be honest to people out of fear.

My social identity is constructed around my sexuality and my ability to articulate my experience to others. If I can get through to one person that being an LGBTQ educator is more difficult than just being an instructor. The words to describe it are not even recognized by hegemonic powers. Heteronormative isn't a word according to Microsoft Word and Blooger.com. And yes it is worth mentioning. I hopefully can change the system for someone else that wishes to take the same road less traveled. No one should have to live in fear but it happens daily. I believe that it is my responsibility as an educator to change that.